Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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