Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
