If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
