Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
