there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
