Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
