I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize