I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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