Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
