Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize