my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
