Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
