So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
