walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
