Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
