weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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