All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We had sex on a dog bed..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
