U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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