Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
