She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
NoShamevember. You game?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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