I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize