shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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