When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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