she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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