i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
