I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
