i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
