you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
