Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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