At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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