I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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