there was a trapeze. enough said
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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