One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
