it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
