he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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