My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
