absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
