roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
