every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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