: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
