I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize