im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
