GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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