The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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