I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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