If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
