How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
