I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
