You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
