READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
