there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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