God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
