my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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