we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
