so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
