watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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