I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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