he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
