How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
