I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
