I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
