"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
