nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my phone needs a breathalizer
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
