Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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