dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
