So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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