A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
