apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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