I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
