i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize