His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
