ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
