why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
