She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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