Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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