you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
