i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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