the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
