I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
