TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
