During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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