Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
