Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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