Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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