I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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