I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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