Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize