Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
